The New Broom
This episode was written by Phillip John Taylor and directed by Ray Austin.
(The Plaza)
Victoria. Sergeant Mendoza! Mendoza!
Alejandro: Mendoza!
Victoria: Mendoza! Mendoza!
Alejandro: Mendoza!
Victoria: Mendoza! So our acting alcalde has left the stage.
Mendoza: (from his hiding place.) Your Majesty, send us a new alcalde, please!
Alejandro: Where are you?
(Madrid, Spain. A man is exiting a building into a cobbled square and being greeted by people and congratulated.)
Man: Congratulations.
Second man: I heard the news. Congratulations.
Keroga: Thank you. Adios.
(De Soto steps in front of him. He moves aside. De Soto steps in front of him again.)
Keroga: You have the advantage of me, Señor.
De Soto: Indeed I do. Because I know a great deal about you, Don Xavier Miguel Francisco Keroga. As a matter of fact, I happen to know that very recently you came very close to being named the new alcalde of pueblo de Los Angeles
Keroga: But you have been misinformed, amigo. I was named the new alcalde. The appointment was ratified this morning by the King himself.
De Soto: Ah, but yes, you see the King will have a change of heart. I would say that within an hour he will have appointed someone else.
Keroga: Really? And who might that be?
De Soto: Myself.
Keroga: Hah! (They both laugh.) Why, Señor, would the King choose someone else?
De Soto: There will be a terrible tragedy in your family making it impossible for you to travel.
Keroga: Indeed? And what tragedy is that?
De Soto: Your death.
Kerogo: My death? (They exchange meaningful looks.) Once again, you have been misinformed. I’m as fit as a fiddle.
De Soto: Really? Then play this tune. (De Soto slaps him.)
Kerogo: I don’t know who you are, my rash friend, but you have chosen the wrong many to pick a quarrel with. (He draws his sword.)
De Soto: Perhaps the time has come to introduce myself. I’m Don Ignacio De Soto.
Kerogo: De Soto! There was a candidate for the post with that name.
De Soto: How very, very quick you are! Yes, you know I’ve always hated coming in second. But it truly galls me to lose to a man whose only qualification for such an important position is that his family’s wealth and influence are exceeded only by their arrogance and stupidity. (Keroga thrusts his sword at De Soto who merely steps aside.) Stupidity, which you are demonstrating even as we speak. (Keroga lunges at De Soto again, wounding him on the wrist.) Merely a flesh wound (to the gathering crowd.) but sufficient, I think, to justify your death in my self defense. Prepare to die, Don Xavier.
(They duel briefly and De Soto disarms Keroga. He picks up the sword and offers it to Keroga.)
Kerogo: I will not fight with you anymore.
De Soto: Well, the result will be the same, Señor. You see, all these people have just witnessed your utter cowardice. (The crowd comments in the background.)
Will the King send a coward to govern the most troublesome outposts in his empire? I don’t think so. You see, no alcalde has ever succeeded in Los Angeles. They’ve either been hounded out of office or died in disgrace. A perfect place to make a reputation overnight.
Kerogo: Or die overnight.
De Soto: I’m prepared to take that risk. See, unlike you, Don Xavier, my family is not well-placed at court. I’ve had to work hard and fight hard for everything I have. And, unlike you, I will bend Los Angeles to the will of the King or I will break them! (He breaks Kerogo’s sword.) Then I shall return to my beloved Madrid a hero. Until then, farewell, Don Xavier. Wish me luck.
(Los Angeles, the plaza)
Alejandro: Ah, there you are, Diego. (He gestures toward the Mendoza.) Sergeant Mendoza! Doesn’t he look splendid?
Diego: A picture of sartorial elegance.
Mendoza: Thank you, Don Diego. I want to start off on the right foot with this new alcalde. You may find this hard to believe, but I have made a few mistakes in the past.
Alejandro: No, Sergeant, really?
Mendoza: I don’t mind admitting it. But today is a new day. My slate is clean!
(The coach arrives.)
Diego. The coach is here. (Mendoza signals a small band to begin playing.)
Mendoza: Welcome to Los Angeles, Alcalde. (He opens the coach door.) You’re not the new alcalde! You’re Juan, the coach driver. (The band quits playing.)
De Soto: (From atop the coach.) He was the coach driver. He should have been pensioned off years ago. After we were passed by a burro and two tortoises, I decided to take the reins myself. I am your new alcalde. (He takes off his coat to display a very ornate uniform.)
Diego: Ignacio? Ignacio De Soto?
De Soto: Diego? (He puts on his plumed hat and climbs down.) Diego de la Vega. After all these years. (They shake hands.)
Diego: You’re the new alcalde.
De Soto: Well, it doesn’t look like there will be many distractions from the task at hand.
Diego: This is quite a surprise.
De Soto: Really? Why should you find it surprising?
Diego: Oh, I wasn’t suggesting anything. You were an exceptional student. In fact, we were all a little envious of you. You never seemed to spend any time studying. We all wondered how you managed to get such high marks.
De Soto: I cheated. (The looks all around change from smiling to puzzled ones. De Soto laughs and they, with the exception of Alejandro, begin laughing too)
Diego: Ignacio and I were students at Madrid University. May I present Ignacio De Soto, our new alcalde.
De Soto: Don Alejandro de la Vega. Half of Madrid sends its regards.
Alejandro: You exaggerate.
De Soto: No,
Diego: And this is Señorita Escalante, the owner of our tavern, and one of our most concerned citizens.
De Soto: How beautiful and how unusual that a woman should show an interest in civic matters.
Alejandro: (interrupting when he suspects Victoria is about to retort.) Don Ignacio, I was thinking perhaps you could join us at our hacienda. I’ve invited some leading citizens of Los Angeles and perhaps we could all sit down and iron out the problems facing our little pueblo.
De Soto: Sounds delightful. Until tonight, then. Sergeant Mendoza!
Mendoza: Sergeant Jaime Mendoza, reporting for — You know my name?
De Soto: Naturally, Sergeant. Assemble the garrison, if you please.
Mendoza: Corporal Sepulveda! Would you be so kind as to assemble the garrison for inspection, please.
Sepulveda: Yes, sir!
Alejandro: Come on, Diego, you’ve met him before. What kind of a man is he?
De Soto: (to the lancers) Well, I shall not comment on your truly slovenly appearance. But today is a new day, gentlemen, (His voice drones on in the background.) Together we are going to transform this garrison into the finest fighting unit the Spanish Empire has ever seen. We must be a dynamic and vigilant team….(inaudible)…The task ahead is a tough one. It is an exacting one…
Diego: Ignacio was on scholarship. He had no connections. His father was a farmer, I believe. He succeeded through sheer ability. He should be very sympathetic to the problems of the poor.
Victoria: If he starts flaunting his old world ideas about women in Los Angeles, he’s going to be in for a rude awakening.
Diego: Give him time, Victoria. He’s a very astute fellow. Once he realizes this isn’t Madrid, he’ll change his attitude.
De Soto…But I promise you, you will be the pride of the colonial militia. And what’s more important, you will be proud of yourselves. Long live the King!
Lancers: (half-heartedly) Long live the King.
De Soto: (shaking his head) Sergeant, dismiss your men.
Mendoza: Dismissed!
Diego: We may finally have the right man for the job.
(The alcalde’s office)
De Soto: Last week’s lunch, I assume? Sergeant, I think it’s time you got to know me a little better. Sit down, please. I had to work my way up through the ranks. I wore a sergeant’s stripes for five years. I know every little trick, every little dodge ever conceived. You cross me, and I’ll take your sergeant’s stripes and make you eat them in your next enchilada. Is that clear, Sergeant?
Mendoza: Si, Alcalde.
De Soto: Now, did Alcalde Ramon keep personal files on all the prominent citizens of Los Angeles?
Mendoza: Si, Alcalde. They are right on your desk, in alphabetical order.
De Soto: Excellent, Sergeant. I think we’re beginning to understand one another.
Mendoza: Si, Alcalde. So you and Don Diego were friends at the University?
De Soto: No. I was a senior and he was a freshman. We were both in the University dramatic group for a time. We played in a passion play together. As I recall, Diego played Jesus.
Mendoza: And who did you play, Alcalde?
De Soto: Judas Iscariot. That will be all, Sergeant.
(Mendoza leaves. De Soto opens the bound volume marked “Zorro”)
(At the hacienda)
Victoria: Did you know him well?
Diego: No, not really. But he made quite an impression on me. He’s just what
this pueblo needs.
Victoria: I do hope you’re right.
Diego: If I am, tyranny and injustice may be things of the past in Los Angeles. Perhaps Zorro will finally keep his promise to you.
Victoria: Oh, I know he will.
Diego: And will you still love him once he’s no longer the dashing hero in a mask but just an ordinary fellow…like me?
Victoria: Diego, Zorro could never be ordinary, even without his mask.
Alejandro: You’re mistaken, Alcalde. How did you come by this slanderous information?
De Soto: Oh, my illustrious predecessor kept personal files on each and every one of you. Didn’t you know?
Alejandro: Well, first of all your predecessor was far from illustrious.
Victoria: And it was his own greed that brought about his death at Devil’s Fortress.
Alejandro: You ask anyone. Luis Ramon was unscrupulous, suspicious and irrational.
De Soto: Well, perhaps he became irrational when it finally dawned upon him he was surrounded by a nest of traitors who would not lift a finger to help him. You see, Alcalde Ramon became obsessed with the idea of capturing this petty criminal named Zorro. He failed. Why? Because, at each and every turn, Zorro was aided and abetted by you, the so-called elite of Los Angeles. Well, I will not make the same mistake. I have given myself three months to bring Los Angeles to heel and, by God, I will do it!
Diego: Don’t be deluded, Ignacio. You can’t dismiss Zorro so easily.
De Soto: We shall see. But in the future, you will address me as Don Ignacio. Our school days are over, Señor.
Diego: They are indeed.
De Soto: Your former alcalde suspected every one of you in this room at one time or another of being in league with Zorro. Therefore, no one shall leave this hacienda until Zorro is apprehended.
Alejandro: You can’t hold us here indefinitely, sir.
De Soto: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You misunderstand, Don Alejandro. I can do anything I want to do. Madrid is 8000 miles away. I am the only law here. And this pueblo has been nothing but trouble to the Spanish crown.
Diego: You really don’t understand, do you? The people of this pueblo will not be a stepping stone to corruption, ambition, or greed.
De Soto: You will all be free to go once Zorro is apprehended. Until that time, I suggest you make yourselves comfortable and pray Zorro shows himself quickly.
Mendoza!
Mendoza: Si, Alcalde.
De Soto: You are in charge. I shall send a squad at dawn to relieve you. (De Soto salutes the crowd and leaves.)
Alejandro: Well, Diego, you still think your friend is the right man for the job?
(De Soto’s bedroom)
De Soto: In no time, I will be out of this dusty little pueblo and back in my beloved Madrid, (He hangs up his coat behind the curtains across his closet.) where the world will be my oyster. (collapses on the bed which then collapses underneath him!)
Zorro: (Comes from behind the same curtains De Soto just drew closed.) Consider the bed a welcoming gift and you have got to be the neatest man in all of Spain. I’ve had ample time to study your wardrobe. Take this collection of silk cravats, for instance. Most impressive.
De Soto: Don’t touch them!
Zorro: Forgive me. (He sneezes into a cravat.) I think I’m getting a cold. I came to tell you that I always work alone. I have no accomplices. Never have. Never will. So you can free those innocent people at the de la Vega hacienda.
De Soto: Make me. (They both draw swords and duel.)
Zorro: Niccolo Machiavelli. Your hero, I presume. How appropriate since he was a despicable little man who kissed up to the rich. He failed at everything he tried to do. (Zorro moves out of the way and De Soto slices the portrait.) Aw, now you’ve both lost your heads.
De Soto: Hah!
Zorro: I find it quite confining in here, don’t you? (He throws De Soto through the door.) This is much better. Now we have more room.
De Soto: Lancers!
Zorro: All your men are either riding to or from the de la Vega hacienda. I’m afraid it’s just you and me, amigo. (He throws the alcalde’s sword to him and they begin dueling again.)
De Soto: I’m afraid you’re very outclassed, Señor.
Zorro: I think not, Señor. I always try to match my style to that of my opponent. When I fence with Mendoza, I fence with simplicity. When I fence with a subtle swordsman like yourself, I employ… subtlety. (He disarms De Soto and punches him in the face.) Unfortunately, I don’t always succeed.
(Outside the hacienda)
Mendoza: I cannot wait to get back to the tavern for some breakfast.
Sepulveda: Señorita Escalante…
Mendoza: Señorita Escalante is tied up in there? Who’s going to cook it? (Zorro rides up with the alcalde strapped on another horse, backwards. He has his sword at De Soto’s throat.) Zorro!
Zorro: No rash moves, Senores. The speech, if you please, Alcalde, just as we rehearsed it.
De Soto: Sergeant, take the men back to the quartel. The people inside are innocent and free to go.
Mendoza: Lancers, vamanos.
Zorro: You have a great deal to learn about me and the people of this pueblo. Deal with them fairly and openly, and there’s nothing they won’t do for you. But if you treat them with cruelty, they’ll repay you with defiance and I’ll ride out to defend them.
De Soto: I grant you one thing. You’re a far more worthy adversary than I thought. But I promise you, Señor, I will see you hang if it’s the last thing I do.
Zorro: I doubt that. However, the first thing you should do (Zorro carves a “z” in his coat.) is see a new tailor.
De Soto: That renegade. He could keep me in this God-forsaken place forever.
Alejandro. (coming out of the hacienda.) Alcalde, what on earth happened, Señor?
Victoria: It looks like our alcalde has had his first encounter with Zorro.
De Soto: Will someone please untie me? (Alejandro steps forward and unties him.) The man is a menace. He must be eliminated. I should go to the Governor in Monterey and have the troop strength doubled in this garrison.
Victoria: That won’t do any good.
De Soto: (Diego and Felipe come out of the hacienda.) We shall see, Señorita, but I promise you when I return I will hound him to kingdom come.
Diego. Well, I would if I were you, Alcalde. Otherwise Zorro might do to your career what he did to that lovely vest. (As De Soto turns to go, Diego waves politely.)
The End.