Double Entendre
(This episode was written by Robert L. McCullough and directed by Ron Satlof.)
(The hacienda. Diego is playing chess with his father. His father makes a move.)
Diego: You’re sure about that?
Alejandro: Hm? Yes, yes, yes. Just play.
Diego: If you wish. (Diego moves his own chess piece.) It was you who taught me the Andalusian Gambit. Why fall victim to it yourself?
Alejandro: You haven’t won yet, Diego. (Alejandro moves, capturing one of Diego’s pieces. Diego then moves.)
Diego: Checkmate. (Alejandro smiles, sighs and gets up. He pats Diego on the shoulder as he moves around him.)
Alejandro: You played well.
Diego: But you played better and lost. Something troubles you.
Alejandro: I went to a meeting last night. The alcalde called together several prominent citizens.
Diego: For more of his inflammatory rhetoric about Zorro. That’s hardly surprising.
Alejandro: But he seems more anxious than ever to turn us all against Zorro.
Diego: The people of Los Angeles will make up their own minds about Zorro.
(Felipe enters.)
Alejandro: Oh! What is it? (Felipe signs frantically.)
Diego: Calm down, Felipe. (Felipe signs.) Slower. (To his father, interpreting.) There’s trouble out at the Indian camp. (To Felipe.) What kind? (Felipe signs again.) (To his father.) The alcalde. (They all leave quickly.)
(The Indian camp. Teepees are burning and children crying as the de la Vegas arrive. They stop and are approached by the alcalde.)
Ramon: Simply shameful. This is the last thing that these poor Indians needed. Personally, I’m not at all surprised that Zorro would do such a thing.
Diego: You don’t honestly believe that Zorro did this?
Ramon: It doesn’t matter what I believe, Don Diego. It matters what they believe. (He points to a “Z” carved into a teepee.)
Indian: That man! That Zorro! He must be made to pay!
Ramon: You see? The people have a will of their own. (To the Indian) Don’t worry, my friend. Show your alcalde what that masked bandit has done. (He puts his arm around the Indian’s shoulder and follows him back to the burning teepees. Alejandro and Diego watch in concern.)
(The plaza. Diego is walking amid the stalls with Victoria as she shops.)
Diego: It seems your friend Zorro has taken up a new line of work.
Victoria: Do you too believe
that?
Diego: Why not? People are capable of great change, you know.
Victoria: Perhaps. But Zorro has no reason to steal.
Diego: Let’s hope not. Still, human beings can be so interesting. Particularly strangers, I find.
Victoria: Strangers?
Diego: Yes. They fascinate me. You haven’t seen some unusual strangers at the tavern lately, have you?
Victoria: Our only new guest
is a novitiate on his way to the northern missions. Oh! And that old tinker over
there. (She points out an older man to Diego.)
Ramon: (Speaking from atop a cart to a gathered crowd.) Good people of
Los Angeles. What happened today to those poor Indians camped outside of our
pueblo should have caused nothing less than outrage at the cruel savagery for
the man responsible for it, none other than that diabolical outlaw, Zorro!
Eyewitnesses saw him set fire to the very homes those poor people built with
their own hands. I want you to know that I have sworn myself to the capture and
prosecution of this masked rider and the continued criminal activity of a man
like Zorro will only cause greater problems for us all. Trust me, my people, I
only want what is best for you.
Mendoza: (Arriving with a group of mounted lancers.) Alcalde! We caught up with Zorro!
Ramon: Did you kill him?
Mendoza: That is not such an easy task, mi alcalde. We were on a routine patrol, bravely doing our duty, when Zorro attacked. He nearly killed us all and then he tied us up. It took us hours to work ourselves free.
Victoria: And what makes you
so sure it was Zorro, Sergeant?
Mendoza: Who else wears a mask and a black cape?
Ramon: My people, we must band together to bring this criminal to justice.
Victoria: But Zorro would never fight without good reason.
Diego: (Quietly) He may soon have all the reason he needs.
Mendoza: My men fought valiantly.
Ramon: Under your astute leadership, of course.
Mendoza: This is correct, mi alcalde.
Ramon: Not to worry, Sergeant. Things around here are about to change.
Mendoza: They are? (Ramon leaves.) Am I getting a promotion? (Mendoza follows the alcalde.) Maybe the alcalde is getting me a new horse!
(The alcalde’s office. Ramon is seated at his desk as Mendoza enters.)
Mendoza: Why would Zorro attack us without a cause? He has never done that before.
Ramon: I think the man is finally showing his true colors. And speaking of color…(Ramon pulls something from a drawer.) Take a look at this. (He gives the sergeant a gold nugget.)
Mendoza: Ay, que lindo! [what beauty!]
Ramon: High grade copper ore. I picked it up at the Indian camp.
Mendoza: A vein of copper will help the Indians overcome their poverty.
Ramon: Sergeant, the Indians know nothing of mining.
Mendoza: Oh, they will learn soon enough, mi alcalde.
Ramon: Well, even if they did, they’re not equipped to deal with money. I shall have to help them.
Mendoza: Zorro may not approve.
Ramon: Oh, I don’t think we’ll have to worry about Zorro for long.
(The tavern. Alejandro is talking to another caballero.)
Alejandro: Your fences break down all the time.
Aye, I can lose one or two cows, but not the entire herd. I tell you, it’s the sound of Zorro’s whip that is stampeding my cows.
Mendoza: (As he watches Diego about to give him a plate of food.) You are too kind, Don Diego.
Diego: It’s the least I can do for a man in uniform. Tell me again about your encounter with Zorro.
Mendoza: Well, it was like this— (In the background, the stranger runs into Victoria, who drops a plate of caramel flan on the landing of the stairs. Diego gets up to help her.)
Victoria: I’m terribly sorry!
Mendoza: —he came at me from behind.
Diego: (Seeing the man step in the flan and drop a stone near it.) Señor! You dropped something. (Diego points at the stone and as he leans forward to pick it up, the man quickly stoops to grab it. Zorro watches him suspiciously when the man says nothing but retreats up the stairs rudely.) (To Victoria) Are you all right?
Victoria: I’m fine, Don
Diego. Thank you. (Diego rejoins Mendoza at the table as Victoria starts to
clean up the mess.)
Mendoza: The alcalde’s piece was bigger.
Diego: Indeed? That was copper ore, wasn’t it?
Mendoza: (Realizing he’s said too much.) I don’t know such things, Don Diego.
(The plaza. Zorro is fencing with some lancers.)
Ramon: Control your swords! After him! (Mendoza comes out of the tavern.)
Mendoza: It’s Zorro!
Ramon: Take him, Sergeant!
Mendoza: But, Alcalde!
Ramon: We caught him robbing the church poor box! Arrest him!
(Standing just in front of Diego, Mendoza draws his sword and then he heads out into the plaza to engage Zorro.)
Mendoza: Zorro! Drop your weapon! (“Zorro” turns to look at the sergeant.) Please? (“Zorro” comes up to Mendoza and carves a “Z” in his jacket. Mendoza looks down at blood seeping though the torn cloth as “Zorro” runs and leaps up onto a nearby building. Diego watches intently the path he takes as Mendoza looks at the blood on his hands.) He never cut me before! (“Zorro” salutes the crowd with his sword and leaps behind the building.)
Ramon: (Addressing the crowd grandly.) He even steals from the church. Is such a man your friend? I think not. That kind of a man is the enemy of every man, woman and child in this pueblo.
Man: Down with Zorro! Down with Zorro! (The crowd takes up the chant.)
(The cave. Diego is working on something as Felipe watches and Tornado eats.)
Diego: Whoever he is, he certainly has a knack of appearing and disappearing at will. (Felipe signs.) Magic? No, I don’t think so. Even the best of tricks can be explained through reason and science. Look through here. (He holds up a hand-made scope.) The glass removes certain colors from our vision. That makes others more visible with less light. It’s all a question of knowing how the world works. I think it’s time we found out how this other “Zorro” performs his work. (Felipe makes a “Z” sign.) Yes, my friend. Tonight the true Zorro rides. (Felipe heads to saddle Toronado.)
(Zorro rides toward the pueblo at night. He climbs onto the roof where he saw the other Zorro disappear.)
Zorro: (Voiceover)
This is where I last saw my impersonator. (He inspects the roof tiles with
the scope.) A cracked tile, even a chip, any fresh mark would be a sign.
Footprint! On hard tile? (Zorro touches the substance on the tile that has
captured the footprint. Then he touches his tongue.) Delicious! (He walks
along the roof and opens the hinged window set in the roof and lowers himself
down into the alcalde’s office. He rifles through the papers in the alcalde’s
desk and smiles when he find what he seeks.) Geology reports! Copper ore! No
wonder “Zorro” destroyed the Indians’ camp. (Zorro hears someone coming
through the door and hides.)
Ramon: But I assure you, you have nothing to worry about. (He is joined
by the stranger Victoria pointed out to Diego.)
Castillo: The only thing that concerns me is to pay me on time. (The stranger removes his wig and fake grey eyebrows.)
Ramon: Señor Castillo, only a fool would fail to pay a professional swordsman his due. But your work is not yet done.
Castillo: You hired me to make Zorro a villain in the eyes of the public, which I’ve done. Now I’d like to be on my way with my money.
Ramon: But we have made Zorro look bad. It is time to make me look good. (As he speaks, Ramon removes a Zorro costume from a trunk.)
Castillo: You have a plan?
Ramon: Oh, it’s simple. As Zorro, you will challenge me in public. And with skill, valor and excellent swordsmanship, I will drive that masked outlaw from the pueblo.
Castillo: And you will be a hero to your people.
Ramon: Precisely. (The two leave the room as Zorro watches from his place in the rafters.)
(The tavern. Ramon is addressing some Indians. Victoria and Alejandro are seated nearby. Lancers are standing around the room.)
Ramon: And because the land upon which you are unfortunately settled is of such strategic value, it is hereby confiscated by the military government.
Indian: Thief! Liar! You can’t take that land from us!
Ramon: (To Mendoza) Silence him. (Mendoza moves to arrest the Indian who throws a pitcher of water in his face. The lancers take the Indian out the door.)
Victoria: They’ll hang him!
Alejandro: Perhaps not. (Alejandro has spotted “Zorro” on the railing above the room. (“Zorro” drops to the bar as Ramon draws his own sword.)
Ramon: At last we meet on equal ground.
Mendoza: Alcalde, this is Zorro!
Ramon: Watch, Sergeant, you may learn something. (Ramon moves forward and begins fencing with ”Zorro” who remains above him on the bar.)
(Meanwhile, outside the tavern, Zorro approaches silently along the roofline. As the fight continues, he enters the tavern through the kitchen window. “Zorro” retreats into the kitchen where the real Zorro awaits.)
Zorro: Your tailor has excellent taste, Señor. (Zorro knocks the imposter on the head with a skillet.)
(The front room of the
tavern.)
Mendoza: Alcalde, you were brilliant!
Ramon: It’s all in the wrist.
Zorro: (Sticks his sword
through the curtains and hit the alcalde lightly on the arm.) And the arm!
(Zorro comes through the curtains and smiles. After a few swipes of the
sword, Ramon steps in close to the outlaw.)
Ramon: (Angrily.) Will you stick to the plan!
Zorro: The only worthy plan
is a plan for equal justice. (He pushes Ramon back and strikes with his sword
as he makes each point with his words.) But even the local Indians… have the
right …to any profits…from their….own….land! (Two lancers interfere and Zorro
uses a table to dispatch them. The imposter appears from the kitchen.)
Victoria: Zorro!
Mendoza: Zorro and Zorro! (The two Zorros fence each other.)
Zorro: (As he pins the false Zorro’s sword to a table.) Your only mistake was not wiping the caramel from your boot last night.
Castillo: The mistake is yours, my friend. (The duel continues with Zorro smiling and Castillo frowning in his efforts. The fight is taken to the stairs. Then the imposter leaps across the room and tries to climb up to the second floor. Zorro impales his sleeve to the slats of the railing, swings across the room on the chandelier to retrieve his sword. The fight continues.)
Ramon: (As Zorro is knocked to the bar.) Sergeant, give me your pistol.
Mendoza: Alcalde, what are you going to do?
Ramon: I’m going to shoot him!
Mendoza: Yes, but which one? (As the imposter stands on the bar, the real Zorro fights, keeping his balance while standing atop a board teetering on top of a barrel. Ramon fires and the imposter falls.)
Victoria: No! (She rushes forward as the real Zorro is catapulted up to the second floor by the imposter’s body falling on one end of the board. Zorro salutes the crowd who is now grouped around the fallen imposter. He leaves.) You killed him!
Ramon: At last. Unmask him! (Mendoza kneels, but hesitates.) Your duty, Sergeant.
Mendoza: (Removing the mask.) He’s not so handsome.
Ramon: It’s because it’s not him.
Mendoza: It’s not? Then who?
Ramon: Obviously an imposter, and accomplice of some sort. (As Zorro rides away, Toronado neighs. Victoria races to the window to see Zorro turn and wave at the pueblo gates.) Zorro lives! (Everybody in the tavern celebrates except for Ramon.)
(The Indian campsite.)
Diego: If my calculations are correct, you’ll want to start in this area here.
(Others begin arriving in carts, Victoria among them. Mendoza rides up on a horse.)
Victoria: Sergeant Mendoza, did you come to help?
Mendoza: The alcalde was delighted to hear that the good citizens of Los Angeles were bringing food and clothing for the Indians.
Alejandro: Was he? Or did he send you here to spy on their work?
Mendoza: No, no, no, Don Alejandro. The alcalde has a very busy schedule.
Victoria: Of course. He’s busy staying out of Zorro’s way.
Mendoza: He does remain available for consultation if the Indians should need help mining for the copper.
Diego: These people will have all the help they need, Sergeant.
Mendoza: Of course, you realize the alcalde will be collecting his usual industrial taxes.
Diego: I wonder how Zorro will feel about that.
Mendoza: Oh, I’m sure it will just be a small tax... very small... tiny... perhaps a few centavos…over maybe five years.
The End