The Best Man
This episode was written by Robert L. McCullough and directed by Ron Satlof.
(The hacienda. Diego is composing at the piano as his father enters.)
Alejandro: Diego! They’re here. You’re rather well dressed.
Diego: It’s not every day that my cousin Rafael makes the journey south from Santa Barbara with a new fiancé. You know it’s hard to believe that Rafael is actually getting married.
Alejandro: Well, he’s certainly the proper age.
Diego: Although he’s younger than I you mean.
Alejandro: There are some very attractive women in Los Angeles, Diego. (They both go out the door.) It’s well past the time for you to marry.
Diego: And who would have me?
Alejandro: Any number of
women. You have to show a little passion.
Diego: But I do have passion…science, the arts, economics. (Rafael’s carriage
arrives.) Rafael! You made it.
Rafael: Diego!
Diego: The journey went well, I hope. (Rafael embraces Diego, then Alejandro.)
Rafael: Uncle Alejandro. You got my letter?
Alejandro: Indeed, indeed. We’ve been expecting you.
Rafael: Good.
Alejandro: Both of you.
Rafael: Permit me to introduce (He helps his fiancé down from the carriage.) Margarita de Madera, my fiancé. My uncle, Don Alejandro.
Alejandro: (kissing her hand) You’ve chosen well, Nephew.
Rafael: And my cousin, Don Diego.
Diego: Welcome to our fair pueblo.
Margarita: Thank you. I’ve been looking forward to visiting Los Angeles for quite some time.
Diego: We’re flattered.
Margarita: Of course, it’s delightful meeting all of you, but the truth is I just can’t wait to meet Zorro! (Diego’s smile disappears momentarily.)
(Inside the hacienda. Alejandro is proposing a toast.)
Alejandro: To beauty, to truth, to love.
Diego: (Rising) And to wisdom. (They all drink.)
Margarita: Can one be both romantic and wise?
Diego: One had better be, Señorita. (Felipe enters.) What is it? (Felipe makes some signs and Diego interprets.) Touble…in town…soldiers.
Alejandro: Soldiers. I should go.
Rafael: (Rising.) I’m going with you.
Margarita: (Rising) Oh, so am I!
Alejandro: The pueblo is under martial law, my dear. It’s no place for a woman.
Margarita: Oh, nonsense. This would be a perfect time to see Los Angeles. Besides, (to Diego) you’ll be there to protect us, won’t you?
Diego: Actually I have some reading to catch up on.
Rafael: Reading, Diego?
Alejandro: Diego has his own interests, nephew.
Margarita: You would let your father go alone?
Diego: Well, these things always have a way of working themselves out. (Alejandro, Rafael and Margarita leave. Felipe makes the sign of a “Z” and Diego nods. They both head toward the fireplace.)
(The plaza. Mendoza is reading a list of crimes to a line up of peons as the alcalde watches.)
Mendoza: Failure to pay taxes on your crops which is an act of treason and is punishable by death. (He turns back to the alcalde.) Death? (Ramon nods. Mendoza goes to the first man in line and addresses him. ) You can’t pay any of the agricultural tax? Just a little? Perhaps if you pay a mere token on your crops you will be granted leniency.
Victoria: Everyone knows there was no harvest. The crops failed.
Ramon: Proceed, Sergeant. You mean hang them? (Ramon nods.) Really?
(Zorro is seen riding towards the pueblo.)
(Alejandro’s carriage arrives in the plaza.)
Driver: Whoa! (Alejandro, Rafael and Margarita climb down from the carriage.)
Alejandro: This new law is outrageous, Alcalde!
Ramon: This is none of your concern, Señor de la Vega. (While they are speaking, we see Zorro climbing around on rooftops.)
Rafael: Who do you think you are? You can’t hang people without a court of law.
Ramon: I will tell you who I am. (To the lancers.) Arrest this man! (There is an explosion in the alcalde’s office.) Mendoza! My office!
Mendoza: Alcalde, your safe has been destroyed.
Zorro: (From the roof) But now you shall have your taxes. You see, Alcalde, I just stumbled across this sack of gold coins. (He holds up two sacks of coins.)
Ramon: (Running forward) Thief! That’s my money!
Zorro: Oh, no longer. I’ve stolen it. And in the name of these poor farmers, I hereby pay their taxes. (Zorro slashes the bottoms of the sacks, letting the coins fall down onto Ramon’s head and into the street.)
Ramon: Shoot him!
Mendoza: Of course, Alcalde. Lancers! (Three lancers line up and raise their muskets.) Ready, aim — (Zorro jumps down on the three lancers from the roof as they shoot, knocking them to the ground.)
Margarita: That’s him, isn’t it?
Victoria: Yes, that is Zorro. (Zorro uses his sword to cut the bonds on the hands of all the peons.)
Ramon: After him.
Mendoza: I’m trying to, sir. (Several lancers chase Zorro only to run into each other. He fences playfully with some more lancers and knocks a few of them out cold.) Señorita, (to Victoria) lovely as ever.
Victoria: Look out! (Zorro turns to dispatch a few more lancers then mounts Toronado and rides up to Ramon.)
Zorro: Trouble those poor farmers again and I will personally take the next tax out of your greedy hide.
Ramon: How dare you threaten me!
Zorro: It’s not a threat, Señor. A most sincere promise. (Zorro carves a “Z” in Ramon’s jacket and rides away as the crowd applauds, Ramon seethes and Margarita smiles.)
(The hacienda. The three arrive back. Diego is already there painting.)
Rafael: The territorial governor should be informed.
Alejandro: He’s in league with the alcalde. I was just glad there was enough distraction for you to escape arrest.
Rafael: The alcalde can’t arrest me without sufficient charge.
Margarita: (to Diego) You know who we saw? Zorro!
Diego: That’s always fun.
Margarita: Oh, I’ve never seen anything like him. He made fools of all the alcalde’s men.
Rafael: This Zorro’s the fool. The peasants may be fond of him, but under law, he’s just another criminal. (He looks at Diego’s painting.)
Alejandro: That’s true. If he’s ever caught, Zorro will surely hang.
Diego: That would be something to see.
Rafael: I think my best man is quite an artist.
Diego: Me? Rafael, I’m honored.
Rafael: A toast to my best man. (Margarita flounces out of the room.) Margarita, a toast!
Margarita: (Turning back to him) To what? There is not going to be any wedding.
Rafael: What? Margarita? She’s tired.
Alejandro: Yes, indeed. It’s…it’s been a long day.
Diego: Not that long. I’ll go talk to her. (Diego gets up to follow Margarita.)
(Another room of the hacienda.)
Diego: Margarita? Rafael loves you very much. I think you know that. He’s a good man, my cousin.
Margarita: But I cannot marry him.
Diego: Why not?
Margarita: I love another man. (Diego sighs.)
(The hacienda)
Rafael: Zorro?
Diego: I know it’s hard to believe, but that’s what she said.
Rafael: If that’s what she said, fine. Then I shall challenge this Zorro to a duel.
Diego: No! No, you don’t want to do that.
Rafael: I can hold my own with any brigand wearing a mask, and I won’t sit idly by while he toys with my fiancé.
Diego: But you’re only a horse rancher. This Zorro is a master swordsman.
Rafael: The choice is clear, cousin. Either I kill Zorro or he kills me. (Diego signs once more.)
(The plaza. Victoria is shopping at the outside stalls and runs into Margarita.)
Victoria: Oh, excuse me.
Margarita: Of course. (holding up a length of cloth.) Oh, a bit provincial, don’t you think? It may not be to Zorro’s taste. But this, (She selects another piece) yes! I think Zorro will like this.
Victoria: Excuse me again. But do you know Zorro?
Margarita: Know him? My dear girl, I’m going to marry him. (Victoria turns away, shocked.)
(Outside the hacienda. Diego picks a piece off a cactus.)
Diego: Rafael is a good man. He only needs the chance to prove it in the eyes of his fiancé. When looking for Margarita in the plaza (He hands the cactus to Felipe, who is mounted), this should create all the reaction you need. (Diego slaps the rear of the horse to spur him on.) Hold on with both hands!
(Back at the plaza,
the girls are continuing their conversation. A crowd is gathering to listen.)
Victoria: Zorro wouldn’t give you a second look.
Margarita: I’m sure he gave you one and decided to keep looking. My guess is Zorro is tired of peasant girls.
Victoria: Oh! Peasants? Peasant! Well, I’ll have you know that Zorro has kissed my hand many, many times.
Margarita: Oh, only to avoid those well-worn lips, I am sure! (Victoria picks up a tomato and pushes it into Margarita’s face. Margarita picks up a plate of flan and hits Victoria with it. They both start pulling hair.)
Rafael: (Coming between them) Margarita! Margarita!
(Just outside the pueblo. Felipe puts the cactus under his own saddle and gives it a good pat. The horse bolts and carries him into the plaza. The horse goes wild. Ramon comes out of his office and immediately seizes the reigns to control the horse. Rafael is still keeping the two women apart.)
Ramon: Easy there, boy, easy! What’s the problem here? You’re a better rider than that, aren’t you? (He finds the cactus.) Well, what have we here? (He spots Rafael. He strides over to Mendoza [who is curiously talking to a couple of ducks -?] and takes him with him to talk to Rafael.) You de la Vegas have a particular habit of upsetting me. Yesterday, you obstruct the administration of justice. Today, you disturb the peace.
Rafael: Now wait just a moment.
Ramon: Actually I’m prepared to wait two hours for you to leave Los Angeles. Barring that, you will have many years waiting in my jail.
Rafael: You can’t threaten—
Ramon: Two hours. No more. (Ramon leads Mendoza back to the ducks.) Collect the usual traveler’s tax before he reaches Tres Esquinas.
Mendoza: What traveler’s tax? Oh, of course. (Confused, to the ducks.) That traveler’s tax.
(Outside the hacienda. A servant is taking baggage to the carriage.)
Margarita: But it’s so ridiculous leaving like this.
Alejandro: Believe me, the alcalde would like nothing better than to make examples of you.
Margarita: Oh, but Zorro will rescue us.
Diego: He’s terribly unpredictable.
Margarita: Oh, but I want to stay!
Rafael: You think Zorro’s coming to sweep you off your feet? Maybe I should stay just to deal with that scoundrel.
Alejandro: Now, now don’t let your pride cloud your good sense, nephew. The alcalde gave you two hours. Take them. Now the shortest route from here is past the boulders at Tres Esquinas.
(The cave. Zorro is mounted.)
Zorro: Our last attempt to help Margarita see Rafael in a heroic light was a spectacular failure. But this time, we’ll be all alone out on the highway The alcalde won’t be around to interfere. (Zorro salutes to Felipe and leaves. Zorro rides towards Tres Esquinas.)
(Tres Esquinas. Three lancers are waiting as Rafael draws up in the carriage.)
Mendoza: Sir, you are in violation of law.
Rafael: What law?
Mendoza: You have failed to pay your traveler’s tax.
Rafael: Traveler’s tax? What nonsense is this?
Mendoza: Fifty pesos if paid before departure. Two hundred if not.
Rafael: And if I refuse to pay?
Mendoza: The alcalde becomes agitated.
Rafael: (He reaches into the carriage for his sword and draws it from the scabbard.) This is what I have for your alcalde.
Margarita: Rafael, what are you doing?
Rafael: Perhaps Zorro was right. It’s time to fight back. (He starts forward.)
Mendoza: Muchachos! (The other lancers draw swords.) Try not to hurt him. (The two lancers and Rafael fence. Rafael holds them off well. Margarita helps by throwing the bags at them and Mendoza sits down and takes out a sausage to eat as he watches.)
Zorro: (Tapping Mendoza on the shoulder with the tip of his sword from behind.) Sergeant Mendoza? So sorry to disturb you.
Mendoza: Z-Zorro! (He drops the sausage. Zorro slices his belt with his sword and Mendoza’s pants fall down.)
Zorro: I think you’d better get to a tailor.
Mendoza: (Pulling up his pants) Vamanos, muchachos!
(The lancers leave quickly and Margarita runs up to Zorro.)
Margarita: Ah! Just the sight of you frightened them off.
Zorro: Are you all right?
Rafael: Thank you for your concern, but we are just fine. And we’ll be even better when you’ve met your proper end.
Zorro: You know we have no quarrel.
Rafael: Defend yourself or die!
Zorro: Of necessity, as you wish. (They fence and Zorro leads him around behind the rocks, out of Margarita’s sight. Zorro disarms Rafael.) Pick up your sword.
Rafael: You’ll kill me.
Zorro: If that were my intent, you would already be dead.
Rafael: I don’t understand.
Zorro: To fight is easy. To create faith where there is none, that is a challenge. Pick up your sword. I’m going to show you how to create that faith. They resume fencing and come from behind the rocks. Margarita watches from the carriage. Zorro allows himself to be driven against the rocks.) Señor, spare me!
Rafael: What’s this? A plea for mercy? No, Zorro, your time has come.
Margarita: Rafael! Wait! He’s not worth it.
Rafael: Ride.
Zorro: (He whistles for Toronado.) Señor, I am in your debt. (Zorro rides away.)
Margarita: Rafael, you truly are brave.
Rafael: To fight is easy, but to create faith where there is none, now that is our challenge. (Margarita kisses him.)
(The tavern. Mendoza is bragging to a group of listeners as Diego enters.)
Mendoza: He had already overcome three of my best men. That’s when I knew I had to take matters into my own hand. And —
Diego: Let me guess. Zorro?
Mendoza: How did you know?
Diego: Well, Sergeant, you’re the only one brave enough to challenge the sword of the infamous Zorro.
Mendoza: How true. So there I was, my men scattered like leaves in the wind. (Diego sits down.) Two helpless travelers at his mercy.
Diego: So you skewered him, gave Zorro what he truly deserved, one solid thrust right through the heart.
Mendoza: Well, not exactly.
Diego: Well, you cut him. You scarred him for life.
Mendoza: But that would be cruel.
Diego: Sergeant, there are warrants out for Zorro, a price on his head. Surely you forced him to surrender to you?
Mendoza: Zorros’ life was mine for the taking. He knew it and I knew it. Killing him would just have meant a waste of time. Besides, I had wounded men to take care of.
Diego: Of course. We all know how seriously you take your responsibilities to your men.
Mendoza: That’s what leadership is all about, Don Diego.
Diego: So Zorro is still at large then, is he? (Diego rises and looks around.)
Mendoza: You needn’t worry. He won’t be showing his face around here anymore.
Diego: You’re truly that confident?
Mendoza: Well, let’s just say Zorro knows who he’s dealing with now. (Diego pats Mendoza on the back and leaves. Mendoza unfolds his napkin and there is a black “Z” written on it. Mendoza starts, quickly crumples it up and looks around nervously.)
The End